To My Friends

This is an extremely hard post to write because of my feelings right now. I have to remember that even my friends don't understand what it is like to live 24/7 with an autistic child.  They don't hear my thoughts that I have and all the many challenges that we face living with someone who has autism let alone a three year old who has autism. So this is my letter to them about why I choose to not take my son to the ER after he broke his toe instead waiting the next day.

Dear Friends (I hope you are still my friends),
     Like I said this is hard to put in words how I am feeling and my thoughts of what happened Sunday night into Monday. But I prayed about it and felt that I needed to type my thoughts. I know you have my son in your thoughts and his well being. I really do appreciate it. I need to back all the way up to Saturday night. Miles was up all night long crying and having a really hard time sleeping. We then went to church Sunday and knew he just wasn't having a good day.

He didn't want to go to class and his nursery teacher pretty much sat with him in the hall all of Sunday. We then went home and relaxed before we had to leave again to head to my in-laws. At my in-laws there is a total of six kids under five years old. Then we have nine adults in the house. Miles was running like mad attacking his Uncles and playing with toys.

We had dinner where Miles couldn't sit still he had to keep moving as he was shoving his lunch-able in his mouth at lighting speed. I knew that Miles was having sensory issues because he couldn't sit still he had to stay moving. I had a feeling we were going to have a huge big blowup before bed.

After dinner I was sitting on the floor while us adults were talking and finishing dinner.  Miles started to run around and he came over and and jump over my leg like he sometimes does even at home. A few minutes later he came back and jump over my legs but didn't quite make it. He fell to the ground and was screaming. I pulled him into my lap and comfort him and looked him over and saw nothing that was concerning. He then stood up and started to cry again so I knew he hurt his foot more then I thought and had him sit with me. He wanted to go with his cousins, Aunts, Uncles, siblings, Grandparents on a walk. Anytime he stood up he started to cry and he didn't want to stay.

So I picked him up and carried him to a stroller and pushed him to the park. At the park he got out of the stroller and ran around the park. He went down the slides and swung on the swing with no problem. He showed no distress in having any pain. I put him back in the stroller and we headed back to my in-laws house.

When we arrived I carried Miles inside the house where Miles decided he rather be at the park. He took off towards the front door to leave. I pulled him into the house and he started to have a massive meltdown. He started to punch, kick me with both feet, wrap his arms around my neck from behind me to choke me, he started to pull my hair. All the while my husband tried to get the others into pjs and in the car. Miles screamed and was hurting me while he was on his feet or using his feet to kick me.

We finally got into the car and went home. Once home I carried Miles into the house and set him down where he complained his foot hurt but wasn't limping. Then if we were watching him he started to limp. We gave him some pain medicine and went through the process to get him to bed after he calmed down out of his meltdown.

Stephen and myself discussed if we needed to take him to ER to get his foot checked. We both agreed that taking him that night would be more sensory overload on Miles then need be. His foot would be fine until morning when we could take him to the walk-in. He was going to be fine on pain meds and get the sleep he so desperately needed. If we took him to the ER he would be struggling all through the x-rays where we would have to restrain him. Who knows how long it would take in the ER to get him through it all. He was doing okay walking on it for the most part but we would carry him if it seemed to be bothering him.

He tossed and turn during the night but he got some great sleep. Monday morning, we awoke and he started to limp and cry that his foot hurt. So, we agreed after his dentist appointment we would take him to walk-in. I carried Miles in my arms through the dentist appointment and he was doing great. He was his normal happy self and was playing and watching tv. Even had some icecream at the dentist. I then took him to walk-in and found out there was an hour wait which wasn't a big deal. When we got into the back room Miles did awesome and let the doctor feel and look at his foot. He also listened to the direction of the x-ray tech and held still for each x-ray they took. I didn't have to hold him or restrain him he did it all on his own.

Miles is only been on pain meds for bed at night but other then that you can barely tell his foot is broken. He is jumping, running, spinning self and play fighting. He wears a walking boot to help him walk normal so it can heal normal. The doctors told me it didn't matter when I brought him in to get it looked at.

You see, Friends. You only heard a little bit of what was going on. I made sure he wasn't harming it and was not in pain. We carried him everywhere until he was looked at. Stephen and I do have the best interest of Miles in us. When Miles is having a sensory overload any touch sets him off and since he was having one it was best to wait as lots of people would be touching him that he didn't know. When Miles is having a sensory overload a single touch is like an electric shock to his system. It literally hurts him no matter how gentle it is.

I really hope it doesn't ruin our friendship because it's such a small little argument. I do like having your friendship and I hope you enjoy having mine.

Kendra 

July 4th

So, the only thing we had planned was a picnic with some friends and family for the fourth. We were going to play everything else by ear. It was nice to have family over. My sisters and brother in law are awesome with Miles in ways I wish others were. Miles had to show them his room and the rest of the house first then they played rough. At one point my brother-in-law hid from everyone and Miles with the other kids had to go find him. Of course they were scared as they knew he will jump out of them. Miles led the charge but then one of them would squeal and all run away from where he hid.

The thing Miles loves to play is hide and seek. He has always loved playing it since he was a baby because he loves when people pop out at him. He sometimes will work to play hide and seek. Of course he hides in the same spot every single time. Anyways, it was nice to have everyone over for awhile. Miles eat his lunchable we provided because we know he wouldn't eat anything else. After everyone left we took that time to relax around the house before heading out to see fireworks.

As 1. Miles goes to bed at 7pm and fireworks start at 9:30ish. So, we decided that if all the kids fall asleep we were just going to miss the fireworks. So, as we waited home before we need to get out the kids watched the old Ghostbusters 2 movie. (like I said Miles loves being scared) so he squealed and just relaxed.

At 8:15pm we headed out to find a location to watch the fireworks. We wanted it to be easy for us to just leave if by chance Miles does not handle it well. Well we found the perfect spot and my friend parked next to us. The kids played hard by running up a huge hill by us to us down bellow. Miles wrestled with my friend Kait. He threw a ball and tried catching it. He threw pop pops on the ground. He was obsessed with a dog that was near us. He kept going to pet it which was fine with the people. Over a year ago Miles was bit in the face by a dog because he squealed at it. So he is usually uneasy around dogs. He loved this golden lab.

Finally at 9:45pm the fireworks started. Each one that pop up Miles would yell, "Boom..." It was great seeing that he enjoyed it as much as we did. After it was all done we headed home. Before we got home in the five minutes..he was sound asleep. Slept through my husband putting him in bed and changing his diaper. He slept from then to 6am.

The next day was rough in the house as all three kids were extremely tired. We just took it easy.

Hope you guys had an awesome 4th.

Autism is Lonely

I have lost so many friends because of AUTISM. I am so glad that we have the diagnosis don't get me wrong. But, it's a lonely ride in this world. No one wants to have their kids hurt, heck I don't want my kids hurt. So I get this...but it's lonely. Can't have group of friends when they don't understand why your son does things different. Can't have friends because you can't go anywhere without advance notice. Can't have friends because their kids can get hurt.

It's lonely...it's so very lonely. I just wish it wasn't so lonely....

Yesterday Evening FROM HELL

Okay,
      So Miles went to school with no problem. Got off the bus no problem. I checked his backpack and found a note from his teacher. Oh no...was my first thought. What did he do? Is he going to be suspended? Did he hurt another child? Did he hurt a teacher? Those were my thoughts as I dreaded to pull out the note from his teacher. It said another child threw a toy and it hit Miles. I looked at my son and see no marks. But, I did think...well Miles you do that to everyone here. Then I thought, why were those my first thoughts. Is it my first worry for my son hurting someone Yes...for the reason he hurts a lot of his with no reason.

    That evening, Miles had a meltdown. It was his normal meltdown but on steroids it seemed. We haven't had one to this extreme this long in awhile. He started throwing toys around which I took care of. He then chucked toys at his sister to hurt her or get her reaction. I blocked. I took him to his room and it was an all out punching me in the back of my head, kicking my back, slapping me, throwing toys at me, screaming on top of his lungs. At one point, I thought he was calm. So I let go...and he took off like lightening to the living room. Before I could get up, he punched his sister with a toy. I heard her scream bloody murder and had to peal him off of her. I then carried him back to his room. Grabbed the baby and sister and put them in my room for safety. Then took care of him blowing up to his normal levels.

Finally, his dad arrived and he took over while I took care of the other two. He fell asleep for about five minutes. When he awoke it was back to square one. I took him outside to see if I can get him to flip 180 degrees (it works sometimes, other times nope). No luck he screamed and screamed. Dad took over so I could take care of the baby. When my friend Tara arrived. She offered to see if he would calm down for her. She took it like a pro and soon he calmed down and was the happy go lucky kid again.

He ate his dinner. We did normal bedtime routine and off to bed he went. No fighting and no meltdowns...

This kid going to kill me...